this time last year, your were beautiful and perfect and everything i ever wanted, and you made me smile. you werent the same person you are now...

four days before our one year. and one day to ruin everything. this hurts so much, i don't think i can put it into words. i came back to this being the only way i knew i could get things out, handwriting things takes too long, and my mind goes too fast for my hand.


my stomach wont relieve me of these knots, and i can hold myself together for just a bit everyday till, i start crying again. tomorrow will have been our one year, and i can't even breathe thinking about it.


maybe this wasnt the right place for us both, but why can't i take it all back, i let myself get crushed multiple times by your actions and words, the words were worse. they just made your actions even more understandable, how did i spend a whole year loving someone who never loved me, who tore me down, and chose others over me. i shouldn't have been so stupid, and if i hadn't i wouldnt be here begging this to go away. i wanna fight the tears but i quiver, and cringe and i cant hold them in as much as i want too.
you always go back to your ex's and all the girls i had to deal with while we were dating, they were sending you hearts <3 while we were dating, must i have known but trusted you too much. its only adds to this pain. its only makes this that more unbareable, and the sad part is... you don't even care.

Thank god for chances. Thank god for forgiveness.





Up until recently I didn't know it was possible to love someone this much.
I don't ever want things to change.

I wish I didn't make such stupid mistakes. I am so angry and upset with myself. I really don't know what to do.

hi. im alive again, and back. now its time for me to really start writing in this again.



jane and I got a bunch of new clothes and stuff today, Kohls, Target, H&M
yes.



it made me so happy,
waiting for evan to get here now, hanging out with tori, fee, and jane.

daaaaance party tonight, just trying to get wasted.

i stopped writing in here for a reason, and i dont know what it is.



but this has been the closest i have ever been to falling the fuck apart.

its been too long.

I haven't updated my blog in over a month now. It's May 5th, and I never even had a recap on my trip to LA. Or where I went when school got out, where im going would have suited better. Or really where I have been..



Evan and I are together. That's one thing I suppose is for sure right now, and how much I love him confuses me so much everyday.



We both ended up fighting over each other, him with Adam, I with Kate, there were charges being pressed but she apologized and dropped them, saying I really had every right to be furious. Which I do and always will.

California was a month ago, but it was amazing. Bongs, and a unicorn bowl were my favorite items I brought home. Summers doing real good for herself and I am so proud of her.

I think im leaving out two important things, VERY important things. Things that have changed my life.

One being I moved into my very first apartment on May 1st. It's beautiful, and I love it. Kristen's my roomate and we are so happy to have such an big nice place :)


Second, we lost David Chung. I said we because I know how many other people loved him just as I did. I get sick thinking about the fact that I never got to say goodbye to him, or tell him how much I loved him. 16 years of his life were cut so short, and everyday Ill remember the memories we had, and his smile. Something that lit up a room. Something that could light up your heart. I love you David.


all for now, I know I've left out so much, but at least im updating finally.

refreshing.

today some what was, I suppose it may be the lazy morning, or the fact that I just felt happy because of what I woke up too. who knows? I really enjoyed one thing about my day and that was the sushi resturaunt that I went to alone around 4, so, the weathers beautiful here, and im walking down the street, I see the sushi place and go in through a beaded drapery across the doorway. its empty, and rather small, there is dollar bills hanging all over the walls with names and things people have written on them over the years. they asked to go or for here? I start to say to go but then realize this eager look on their face to have company, and even though I was all alone, I would be someone new to them, so I change my mind quickly and say for here. they older man of the 3 that were working pulls out a chair at the bar for me to sit in, I think, aw wow, how polite? Burbank is like living in a fairytale land. to make this story short which I want to do, the service was beautiful, they were so great, i sat there all alone listening to My heart will go on off the Titanic soundtrack, at the end I was given an orange slice with light icing on it and a thin cookie stick with pink icing. yum love it.

happy in California right now, sitting in the coffee shop waiting for Summer to get out of class in 20 minutes.

loving life right.



but stop digging these holes so deep Savannah before I throw you in one. Idiot.

downhill.

100%

Elizabeth Fritz, realize what a best friend she was. I miss her so much. What the hell.


Probably one of the only human beings around lately that I talk to everyday. And enjoy it.

This week has been very busy. Wednesday night was Influx, in Norfolk, and I had a really good time, and last night I spun for the first time @ Nara. Regardless of the amount of people that ended up being there that night it was a first good night for me, and I feel a lot more comfortable in front of people now. 

I've always been a person that loved to show my friends music and djing is basically that.

Anyways, Im doing good lately. No ups or downs really just pretty level. I miss home so much though, and I really miss my friends. But my mom is the most.

I leave for LA in 8 days. Can't hardly believe it.

I need this bath mat, my floor is repulsive.




This hotel is beautiful, and located in the mountains of Sweden, I wish someone would take me here, I need seclusion.

ps. this should be called "Savannah's Anger Blog"

why am I pissed off all the time?

and how come I don't want anything to do with you anymore?

Spring break started for me Thursday after my class in the morning. And a recap would be too much, I reaaaaaaally missed Wilmington though, and being home so much made me realize. I kinda hate Richmond a lot. And everyone in except for the few people I hang out with, everyone else can honestly fuck off. 

I have become pretty content with the haterz in rva, the ones that hate me for no reason and make up stupid bullshit about me thats not true. But who gives a fuck.

They are all fat, nasty, lame, or fucking straight up stupid anyways. It kinda makes me lol.

this has been the most relaxing, fun, good weekend with my family and friends.

spring break 09' competeing with spring break 08'

It's been a little stressfull lately. But I am in Wilmington now till Wednesday. MC came with me :)

I guess, i'll update this later.

thanks MC