The show last night was good for the two bands we saw. I would have liked to go see minus the bear but it was wayyyy expensive. ahha.


Anyways, Blake and I are getting back on track hopefully. I love him more than anything in this world. Except my mom haha. I don't know how I fucked things up with him so bad and almost lost him, I really regret everything...

Im breathing easy, and my heart isn't breaking so much anymore.

Douchebag.

Douchey Douchey Douche. Ass mother fucker. Shit cock, dick balls. Bitch.

home, again.

Back in Richmond now, it was such a long drive. Its nice to be back in richmond alone, without a worry right now though..

But I just read some of my recent blogs, and I feel like an idiot. haha.



I need to write this focused inquiry paper already and stop fucking procrastinating.

amazing weekend.

But now I must return to Richmond, Va. Getting ready to leave but I don't want too.

shit fuck.

Last night.

Friday & Friday night was amazing. Just hung out, got to spend time with my friends and people I havent hung out with in a long time. We ended up going to two different haunted houses and the first one was cool, but the second one was fucking scary and insane.

In the first one it was basically based off of Quarantine and like the last part of it was a fucking zombie rave party which was insane, so we had been screaming the whole time, and as soon as I got into it I was bouncing up and down with Dan dancing like a raver. haha. Funny shit.


The second one was just creepy as fuck. Everywhere you went someone was coming after you and shit haha, tonight we are partying at britneys house, and im going to be happy once all my friends get here.

I really need a cigarette now, I have had 2 all day and its 6pm. Damnnn.

"what the fuck are you even talking about?"

Then I explain.


Britney Eryn West. Quote un Quote.



Just got Zaxbys with Bwest and Chip it was good.
Haunted House tonightttt. Cheapp

straws.

so maybe it isn't so cold here afterall in NC.

i have a few straws left for this.
not handling it well.




torn, on the two ways to go.

home sweet..?

Last night was spent with my favorite people here, thank god. I needed a dose of them, just to keep me going at some times. Britney, Whitney and I went out to Brunswick County and met up with Shane, Zach, and Jarod. Three amazing people. no lie.


Zach and Shane especially because they make me so happy. And constantliy laughing around them is an enevitable thing.

I spent the day with my mom, and she made an amazing dinner, for me which I just got done eating. Steak, Sweet Potatoe w/brown sugar, Peas, and a roll. YUM :)

going home tomorrow, excited about seeing my boo. and being back in RVA.

nothing but a kiss.

It's been forever since I updated, I feel like I have neglected this so much.

Ive seen that I have taken up drinking more than I could have ever imagined. Its become a normal thing I guess, its never to the point of drunkness, just buzzed, for the people that know me this is weird correct?

Anyways, so Saturday was the last time I updated... 

From there in Columbia, SC Kristen, Jessie & I met up with Whitney, she packed all of her things to move in with me until she gets a job in Richmond, and a place or whatever.

So saturday night, on the way home we start to drink in the back of course. There are things that went downt that I am not even able to discuss on the internet for the eyes of other not to see. We decided to stop in Charlotte and hang out with some people, ended up meeting some amazing people I never knew exisited.

Im really hungry right now, so this is side tracking me quite some bit.

Anyways,

we get back at like fucking 6:30 in the morning. So whitney and I crash at Evan's. :)

Wake up and explore the day. Sunday was a great day, Monday was a great day as well. My cars falling apart though, I had my first day of work today, I already love it, and Im making bank which just makes it so so so much better.

Class has been lame, I missed it today because I had to take my car to the shopp... Lame right. Im going home thursday thank god, i miss my family and friends so much.

Im excited to see,

Britney, Zach&Shane, Jeremy, Danny, and whoever else haha.

My mom too.

Shafer to eat soon, then drinking again tonight of course haha.

carless.

It has hit me that when I get home from South Carolina tomorrow, Whitney will be with me, but I will most likely have no car. On the way to Kristens friday before we left for COLA, it was shaking badly and the tire looks like its going flat... This is not good.

Hopefully I can figure a way to get it to the service station Monday, and then get someone to get me back there eventually, I have work Tuesday. What the fuck, am I going to do...

Alright thats enough, I need to take  shower, it's 2:30.

I dont know what the fuck we are going to do today in South Carolina, I guess we will figure that out soon enough. I kind of just wanna hurry up and get back to Richmond, so I can figure this car situation out.

random road trip.

Today, was supposed to be boring and crazy near the end.

But, I am sitting outside of Shafer just met up with Kristen and Jessie and they metion wanting to go to Columbia, South Carolina to see this guy Kristen likes. It was a shock, because I have so many friends here. Immediently I jumped on the opportunity of coming here. So now, its 1:37 in the morning, I am sitting in a hotel room with Jessie, Joey, Kristen and myself. I am waiting for Steven, Whitney, and two other people I don't know to come pick me up. So fucking stoked I miss them all so much.

Love love love.

Last night was fucking amazing.

I get to see lindsay Sunday.

I have my first day of work Tuesday, and wednesday night was pretty fucking funny too. Hung out with new people I absolutely love. God I am loving this.

Ramble is complete.

my tooth

is fixed. hahah fuck yeah. so happy about this.

Dance partttty tonight? excited about that too.

Im really sick of people/friends being rude to me for reasons that aren't good enough.

Ehhhh fuck.

my tooth

is fixed.

so abrupt

It's extremely early for me to be up right now. But I have a dentist appointment to fix my tooth that I chipped the fuck off on sunday while eating at chillis, a salad, retarded right?

I made a mixed CD to bring with me on the way there called "Love" its absolutely amazing. Things are a lot better today, last night hung out with the girls for a little bit, then birthday person.

Then came back to my dorm and enjoyed myself with Jane and Eryn. Eventually Laura came around, these girls are pretty amazing. :)

Today is so busy, final interveiw at Blue Heron Bags, to fill out my paperwork and fun stuff like that, get me on the schedule too. Im so excited, 10$ an hour is going to be rolling in bank for me, with my low rates for being a student. I will finally have money.

I really miss Britney, I wish she could hurry up and get here, things would be a lot easier this way, I get pretty lonely sometimes without her. But the funny thing is, we talk more now then we did when I lived home. I know this girl will  be my best friend forever.

Ill update more later, 2 classes today.

good

Today was a good beginnninggggg.

I woke up around 1:45 took a shower got ready for class, and went. Only for a little bit though today. Then I came home and now im working on my laundry, hanging out with fee tonight :) yay. And hopefully kristen and jessie.

Love it.

texting

Today turned out better than I expected? Since I was drunk betwenn 5-7 I met alot of people in my dorms, I never would have. I hung out with a cool new friend named Laura and we ate toquitos. First time I have had them from 7/11 it made me happy. And then we had fun.

The day was shit, but it got better. Good enough to eat, and good enough to sleep. So now my stomach is not empty and neither is my head.

no title.

My stomach is empty.

And I have so much going on right now, there is so much that needs to be done, and accomplished its stupid.

So nostalgic, all the god damn time.

who im after?

Today was a fucking blur. A fucking mix of terrible emotions.

I want to supress everything that engulfs my mind, I want to be the light hearted spirit I am. I know they say nothing lasts forever but im so lost in my mind.

So today, I tried to sleep. I tried to sleep, all day. It didnt work though, my mind is to jumbled and my room is destroyed from last night. I guess my anger decided to come out. I just don't remember tearing everything apart inside this 5x5 shit room. So today, tori, briana and I went to chilis, I figured I needed to eat after eating nothing for the past 2 days. Even though tomorrow will begin another set of those couple of days, where I smoke so many cigarettes, and drink so much water I can fill myself up. I get comfort from the feeling of an empty stomach esp when I am empty on the inside.

After chilis we bought cigarettes, and went to Matt's house, who is keeping aslyn my kitten for me. Then we went to tori's to get aslyn and bring him back to matts. By that time, I figured I was going for the worst tonight, I went to felicias afterwards to hang out with her some on her birthday. I had to leave though. Jessie and her boyfriend took me to taco bell, then now I am here in my dorm. Safe, sound and sober. For now.

I am about to begin the journey, of learning how to not expect so much out of people. You can't expect good things out of anyone, because you will always get let down, no matter what.

I have realized that I set my standards entirely too high for anyone to ever meet them, they will always let you down, no matter who it be.

Give up on hope.

i am

so numb.

redbull & vodka.

First things first, its 6:36 in the morning, what the hell am I doing awake?

I don't know what im going to do about my kittes for today, the maintence is coming to Tori's apartment and I have no where to take them while they do come.. :( fuck.

Next, last night I was introduced to the most amazing thing ever, something I had heard but never done. Actually drink alcohol, and like it. Ha. What a joke. Me like it? YEEEESSS I DID.

Kate and Vanna showed me how to do these things called bullshits, with a shot of vodka and a shot of red bull, and my god you can't even fucking taste it. Nuts. I KNOW?

Im going to make breakfast in a couple of hours, I really need to get back in bed and sleep some more, I went to bed @ 2 after the cops busted the party on Cary, like they always do. And came home and passed out. The only thing was, is that I never really passed out, third stage sleep, no rem sleep, just crazy ass dreams, the ones you wake up to and have to decipher wether or not it was real. Well those were my dreams.

I guess you just can't sleep on redbull and vodka.

you'll never know.

Minus what I said before. NFG was amazing last night, as well as ADTR. Thank you. That's all  I needed, I guess with that kind of show it feels like a little piece of home. Despite the drama, or sucommbing to uncomfortable feelings it was overall good.

My throat is finally better. Now I have to get rid of my congestion and stuffy nose. Ewww.

I got to see Josh Smiz last night and his girlfriend who I got to meet too she was sweet. Hopefully they will read this :)

Ive been really stressed out the past two weeks. Two panic attacks in a matter of 6 days give some take some. It's rediculous. I just caan't make them stop, its like out of nowhere they come and hit me like a brick truck and then im sitting in my room for an hour heaving and crying..? I think I have figured out the causes of them, since I am such a introvert, I don't normally talk about my problems, esp. now that I am in Richmond. I don't have Blake anymore, or my mom, or Britney down the street to call or see and explain whats going on in my life, or at least get it off my chest. I just end up letting these things all build up then I explode. BOOM. And anyone that gets caught in my attacks, tends to think im just a little crazy. I mean maybe I am?

who knows.

re run.

I am sitting in my room. Which is quite a mess if you don't know. Its actually really bad right now, ahah. I have so much clothing and so much laundry to do its insane. I just dont even want to start it. I am kind of hungry too, so I might eat before I go to math class. Depending on what kind of time I have after I write. I am really excited about the show tonight. Because they are some of the favorties you know?

Lalalala. I really have nothing to write about right now.

I mean I have plenty of things I have to do, actually I have a huge list sitting beside me. I also have a list of shows beside me I want to go too.