inevitable.

Im fighting a losing battle. I feel as if theres only a matter of time before you leave me. Just like everyone else does..

I just can't bring myself to stop it. I care about you so much.

oh and the first picture I like of my back.

God,

The flowers Tori Brought me.

The last time I wrote in this was 8 days ago. I never got around to finishing the post really- I wanted to incorporate a picture of the flowers tori left me. I guess since I left off on such a depressing note, I might as well write how the last week and one day has been. And, you know it's had it's rocky patches, but it's gotten a lot better. I came home on tuesday and spent about 2 hours at home then left for the show. I was greeted by everyone I love, the people who have made me miss wilmington so much. The show was good, Outbreak was awesome as always. I really miss Evan though, it's weird hanging out with someone everyday then leaving them for like 5 or 6 days.


Last night we had a thanksgiving dinner for everyone at Britneys house and that was really nice. Thanksgiving dinner at home was a little irritating like always. Holidays normally aren't that fun here. But hey, thats life.

My mom and I went shopping though at 4 oclock in the morning on black friday. Ended up getting some really good shit, but spending 1300$ haha.

My oh my the damage we do.

I am going back to RVA tomorrow. Its good and bad all at the same time. Ill update again soon hopefully.

apparently

Today has been the worst day ever, but this is when you realize who your true friends are. Or who the people that really care are..

Tori, Thank you so much for the flowers and cookies, I can't express how something so little could make me feel warm the way I did. I wasn't expecting it at all but I am so thankful to know that someone is actually sincere in this town.

Lindsay, thank you for listening to me cry, and talk and make a mess of my words. You were the first person of the day I talked to. Thank you so much.

Britney, I don't even need to tell you what you did. Because it doesn't matter, I love you so much your are the best friend I have ever had in my life. Thank you for being here for me.

And last but not least.. My Mother, she could get me through anything.

So I went to the library and met up with my group around 4 today. It was abig help cause now I am not so stressed about the Election Paper, I am stressed about the Culture paper though. Jesus I can't handle all these papers.

Shafer. Lee's chicken. Tori suprising me, then guess the fuck what.. DITCHED. Thanks alot.

tea cup.

Im drinking a tea cup of sweet tea right now. I decided a glass of sweet tea, might give me a taste of how my mom used to make it when I was home.

This week has been one of the roughest I have had. I dont pick up my phone anymore but for a few select people because I am so depressed in my life, and don't feel like putting it on others. I really need to go home. I really need to see my friends and my family. My mom, god I miss her so much. Thanksgiving could not come soon enough. Richmond has done so many great things for me so far but has also brought me down more than I ever imagined. I thought the grass was always greener on the other side, but- I was so wrong.

People here are just as shitty as people everywhere else.

I haven't cried this much is forever, and I keep just moping around. Breaking down in crying spells here and there. I can't say this could have come at a worse time. Right before exams, right before home break, when I have all this work for school going on. Good god someone save me.

I would like to name one person in Richmond I think I can trust, that isn't my family, but I couldn't do it if I tried. Girls backstab you and no one is sincere. Lindsay Guvera the only person I have met while I have been here, is probably one of the sincerest and she doesn't even fucking live here, she lives in Fredericksburg.

Britney, her and my mom are the people who have been able to cheer me up a little bit today. While I should be excited about Kid Cudi, and I should be excited about the parties going on tonight, but im just a big ball of fucking mope.

I want my headache to go away, and I wanna go home. I want a hug from my mother.

Tuesday could not be here sooner.

this is

the weakest fucking point I have ever been at in my life.

november 10th was the last time, i wrote in here

and I just deleted that entry.

There's a whole lot of things going on in my life right now, but at the same time nothing. I feel like everytime I go to write about something that is going on in my life, once I get there, I just dont know what to say. It'd be easier if I had my head on straight, or my priorites together.

I guess thats what Im going to work on.

Ill keep you updated.

Mess.

I dont even know

When the last time I posted in this. It's been too long I guess, there is so many things that have been going on. But I really need to get back on track, I homework to make up and papers to write. My life has been so hectic and crazy these past two or three weeks, I don't know how I have made out through it all. There are so many stories that will go uncaptured because I let too much slip by, and now I don't have the time or want to even put forth the effort of explaining it all.


Too many parties, Obama was elected president, Britney crashed Josh's car in Richmond, Trash Talk show in Raleigh with Richmond people, lots of time with Evan, balcony falling in at a dance party -and people i care about getting hurt, withdrawling from a class. I need a fucking break dude.

My birthday was Nov3, got lots of money and its gone basically, but on what. I can't tell you ahah.
Went to starlite for it, yummy as halllleee.

I don't want to finish this, I probably will later.
Time to clean and shower, and work on papers.