There's lots of Realizations I am not ready to open up too. There are a lot of things swirling around in my head. I miss my mother and Britney more than I ever thought I could. My struggle in Richmond, has been the biggest battle between my head and heart I have ever fought. I worry about the choices I am making constantly wondering is this all really worth it- the money, the emotional distress, the erratic ups and downs?

and then, I have one of those. Hearts racing, Cant breathe, Heaving, Choking, and throwing up come right after, I have lost all control of my head. Re wire me.

A soon visit to home will make this a lot better. Maybe I will go home, maybe I wont?