I want to supress everything that engulfs my mind, I want to be the light hearted spirit I am. I know they say nothing lasts forever but im so lost in my mind.
So today, I tried to sleep. I tried to sleep, all day. It didnt work though, my mind is to jumbled and my room is destroyed from last night. I guess my anger decided to come out. I just don't remember tearing everything apart inside this 5x5 shit room. So today, tori, briana and I went to chilis, I figured I needed to eat after eating nothing for the past 2 days. Even though tomorrow will begin another set of those couple of days, where I smoke so many cigarettes, and drink so much water I can fill myself up. I get comfort from the feeling of an empty stomach esp when I am empty on the inside.
After chilis we bought cigarettes, and went to Matt's house, who is keeping aslyn my kitten for me. Then we went to tori's to get aslyn and bring him back to matts. By that time, I figured I was going for the worst tonight, I went to felicias afterwards to hang out with her some on her birthday. I had to leave though. Jessie and her boyfriend took me to taco bell, then now I am here in my dorm. Safe, sound and sober. For now.
I am about to begin the journey, of learning how to not expect so much out of people. You can't expect good things out of anyone, because you will always get let down, no matter what.
I have realized that I set my standards entirely too high for anyone to ever meet them, they will always let you down, no matter who it be.
Give up on hope.
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I am about to begin the journey, of learning how to not expect so much out of people. You can't expect good things out of anyone, because you will always get let down, no matter what.
generally, not always.
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