Beautiful.

I got home yesterday and immediately arrived at Evans. After getting a speeding ticket in Emporia for 81 in a 65. Well fuck you cop.

When I got here, we exchanged gifts and he got me, Atoment(dvd), 3 things of my favorite inscense, Chocolate, an Ipod Dock for my car, an Ipod case, a pair of earings, and I think thats it. Im guessing he spent more on me than he was supposed too haha, I got him, two blue clear serato vinyls, a computer lap top stand for when hes djing, and 4 dvd's Biloxi Blues, The Fountain, Ripe, and Cloverfield.


We got buffalo wild wings after exchanging gifts and he loved it, which I told him he would. Then we came back to the house ate our dinner, and watced the Fountain, then Cloverfield, and the Aladdin ahaha.

It was an amazing night.


Today we slept till six, woke up and took showers, then went to Olive Garden for our over due christmas dinner. It was yummy.

Then somehow we ended up at Target getting sheets another pillow for his bed :)
hahah, tonight is my turn to pick what we watch. thats all for now.



tomorrow is short pump shopping, and getting my car fixed.

home

Im coming back to Richmond tomorrow.

Finally.

christmas eve, part two, and christmas morning

christmas eve got real intresting last night, not going to go into detail, but i ended up at waffle house haha with britney good food. but so cold inside.

anyways, stayed up all night on video chat with my baby love, and opened presents at like 7 AM, came back upstairs and showed Evan them and now I guess Im hanging out waiting for him to open his so he can show me what he got. missing him so much its making me crazy, but anyways. thats it for now.


got some new makeupz, north face jacket i asked for, plane ticket of course ! :) and i get to go to TEXAS! wooo fort worth to be exact. excited that saturday is not far away and I get to give Evan his presents and get mine from him already know i got some good chocolates! <3


gunna sleep for awhile today, but not too long.

christmas eve.

I want to remember this Christmas, just as it was. Stressfull, emotional, chaos, and ups and downs.

I have become nocturnal while being home, I don't really exisit in the sun light.
It doesnt feel like christmas at all, and I hate it. Christmas is supposed to be this excting holiday but since im not a child anymore I guess I just dont get excited like I used too. I already know my big present anyway. Its a plane ticket to LA for a week in March.



I already know my new years resolution too, exciting if it happens.

lately,

As of right now, I'm cold, drunk and missing Evan more than I ever thought was possible.

But lately I have been a litte crazy. I guess you would call it out of your mind. I never thought in a million years, I would admit I have been psycho. My emotions though have been up and down, up and fucking down again. One second I'm fine the next second I want to hit someone. I know theres something wrong with that, and my pessimistic attitude only adds to the fire. I feel like i've lost a lot lately, I have lost so much contact with my closest friends especially Leila. My best friend on the other hand has a new boyfriend and although I will say I am happy to finally see her happy, I don't think she is happy with the right person really, if you want my honest opinion. Now I am scared she wont move to Richmond, I mean what the hell am I saying I am scared she won't move there even without him. 

I've been home for a week now, and cryed my eyes out everyday i've been here except today and the first day I got here. I guess I have been an emotional wreck. And starting and getting ready to start my period hasn't helped.

Tonight cheered me up though, I went to Tre Benzio's with a few people then ended up at firebellys, and then to club Rhino to have the whole bar opend up to us for FREE, free drinks free whatever the fuck we wanted, it was quiet and chill and I liked it, I got to hang out with a few people and get drunk too haha, what the fuck.. I don't know how that happened but it did, I got Evan a djing "gig" there if thats what you call it for when we come home, and made friends with a really nice guy that spins there too he uses technics, it was nice to see someone else knew something I was talking about. His huge black dreads were cool too. He b-boxed for his girlfriend for awhile while I stared there drunkly smiling and having a grand time. 

I haven't talked to Evan in about 5 hours, its making me anxious. I dont fucking understand why my anxiety and the seperation anxiety I have gets so bad with him. Its something I can't quite pin point.

I just know, im ready for christmas to be over, my mom to be happy and for her back to stop hurting, and to go back to Richmond. God I miss it there, and I know when I get back I'll start hating it again, but for now, Ill just let myself miss it.

I realized no matter where I go, I'll probably never be satisfied, but hey, I can live with that.

I need to sleep now, mamas have surgery in the morning and I want to spend the day with her at the hospital when she gets out. God sometimes shes the only thing that keeps me going. Love her with everything in me. 

sleep.

Today

I want to ball up in a ball and hide forever, I want to break my phone so I can't call or speak to anyone, I want to lock my door and never come out. I want to cry till my eyes are swollen completely shut, and today I just wanted something to go right for once.

I'll never fucking be happy.

fucked up.

I guess I've come to the conclusion I am a fucked up person, head, body, soul wise. I don't know what the fuck is going on anymore. I can't figure anything out about anything anymore.

I have realized that in Richmond, I honestly haven't met that many people I feel I can trust. It's hard coming to a city and not knowing anyone and trying to start over and get people to know you and things of that nature. I have made so many friends, but to me they just seem like just people I know. Not people I feel like know me, or want to even know me, Im so eager to find genuine people, and so eager to make a friend that I know I can trust. With the walls I have built though, no one will ever get close, I just want someone to realize how much of a big heart I have and that I AM genuine, and I do want satisfaction with friendships, relationships, and anything in between. I have my boyfriend, and a couple girls I know I can really look too in times of need. For now, I will just say I am happy with that.

Richmond will continue to stay new to me, until I have really learned about the people I spend my time with and made my group of friends. I don't feel very close to anyone yet, everyone seems to be out for themself.

obliterated last night, payed for it this morning. good god, i want to sleep forever.


ftw today.

today.

I got my hair done, and before that went to Hibachi Express with my Britney and Danny. I love them both so much. Anywaysssssss- got my hair done its awesome. yeap.


And hanging out at Britneys tonight with people.

most of the time what you did just makes me want to curl up and cry my eyes out. or throw up, regardless either of those pretty much sucks.


when will i ever let it go?

it's so good,

to be home finally!

Christmas, is my favorite.

Went shopping today, got momma's gift.

Had a night out with the friends last night, at Firebellys! Yummm.

coming home tomorrow. finally.

the past couple days have been,

pure exhaustion, I realized I really don't like partying that much. Its fun, but needs to be done in much more moderation in my life because, Friday I was exahusted my body was weak, and all I wanted to do was sleep which I couldnt. 

Friday was really nice though, I went to Charlottesville with Evan and met his mom, then we went to dinner in downtown Charlottesville, it was a nice day. He dropped his new remix again last night it was amazing, and the crowd went even more crazy then they did on Thursday night at the Sky Lounge... I'm so proud of him.

I am going back to Wilmington, on Monday and I am so excited about it, I can't wait to be home for a good amount of time and Christmas is here. I am so excited. I know Evan will love what I got him for christmas. And I really can't wait to just spend some time with my family and friends. On the 5th,6th,7th of January 2009 evan and I are going to Wilmington and he gets to meet my parents. hahah. Things have been looking up.

eventfull.

failed, gifted, aggravated, grubbed, passed, frustrated, inflated, freaked, suceeded, smiled, tried, hurt.


my day, events and the way they made me feel.

Beautiful.

There's a fire forming, not too far from here
Along the east coast maybe, it resides in you, my dear
Worn out on our courtesy, we've made our curtain calls
Like vampire bats deprived of blood, into the New York City night we crawl

And you've got a funny way of showing off your bathroom surgery
You said you were just cooling down from plans of leaving me
There's something I should tell you, for we may not have much time
I've never met arms like yours

The stars at night are big and bright
Deep in your eyes, Miss Vincent
You told me once I made you smile
But we both know damn well I didn't
I'm not much of a jester, but I'd test poisoned food for you
Your majesty, you're royal blue
I'm loyalty, my king of pain

There's a hard rain falling, flooding your attic, it's clear
Can't put out the fire that resides in you, my dear
There's something I should tell you, for we may not have much time
I've never seen scars like yours

The stars at night are big and bright
Deep in your eyes, Miss Vincent
You told me once I made you smile
But we both know damn well I didn't
I'm not much of a jester, but I'd test poisoned food for you
Your majesty, you're royal blue
I'm loyalty, my king of pain

The stars at night are big and bright
Deep in your eyes, Miss Vincent
You told me once I made you smile
But we both know damn well I didn't
I'm not much of a jester, but I'd test poisoned food for you
Your majesty, you're royal blue
I'm loyalty, my king of pain

Cold.

It's so cold in Richmond, I can barely stand it anymore.

I'm broke, I don't have the money I need to buy Evan's christmas present. It's upsetting me so badly. I have 2 exams today, ones down, so therefore I have one more to go.
I lost my job I think, but I am still trying to figure it out.

This week is going to be good, christmas is coming soon, and my christmas present in a plane ticket to LA for a week in march. How amazing that's going to be .
I really want a new digital camera too, but Ill be able to get that with christmas money.

anyways, im hungry. no money.
that means shafer.

Today I'm fine,

without you.

I have so much,

disgust for people some. It's makes me want to throw up.

Anyways, lots of stress this past week. Things have deff gotten better though, I am ready for this semester to be over. Finally.

Miss my best friend,

miss my home.